


Someone to Stay

by stardustsroses



Series: Someone to Stay (Nessian) [1]
Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Mating Bond, Nessian - Freeform, Starfall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-23 06:39:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14929131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustsroses/pseuds/stardustsroses
Summary: I’ve been playing with the idea of Nessian during Starfall for a while and I finally decided to post this little short story! It will consist of three parts and it will basically be about Nesta’s first Starfall after the war with Hybern and her thoughts concerning the Inner Circle and a certain Illyrian commander ;) Lots of fluff and bickering to ensue…This was inspired by the song Someone to Stay by Vancouver Sleep Clinic. Definitely recommend listening while reading!





	1. Chapter 1

They called it Starfall.

That very night, every year, the people of Velaris would gather outside their homes in celebration, drinks in hand, excitement in their eyes and a lightness in their smiles. It was the most important event in the Night Court, Feyre had told her, even though Nesta hadn’t bothered to ask. She’d said:

“It’s not something I can explain. You’ll have to see it and experience it for yourself.”

Nesta had no interest in experiencing much of anything these days, she’d wanted to reply. But she hadn’t bothered to, either. Nor did she bother going out into the streets with them, no matter how much her sisters insisted. Elain had persisted – she didn’t want to leave Nesta all by herself in the House of Wind, not while she was out celebrating with the Inner Circle. But Nesta knew it’d be better off this way – it was better to keep to herself, drown herself in her own self-pity and disgust and let them be. Let them enjoy this celebration of theirs. Let them live, finally live, now that they could, now that they were out of danger, now that they were, at last, healing.

Now that Elain was starting to heal.

Nesta would not, could not, drown them with her. So she’d smiled widely, assuredly at both Elain and Feyre, insisting she needed the sleep anyway – even though she knew they didn’t believe her – and wished them both a good night. And that was that.

She hadn’t dressed up, but she did have a drink in hand. One that had been refilled several times now. She didn’t have that excitement in her eyes or a lightness to her smile – she had dark circles around her eyes and a broken, unfocused gaze.

Leaning against the balcony rail of the House of Wind, Nesta stared and stared at the endless rows of houses perfectly lined, perfectly built. This city had seen war and death, and yet, it was rebuilt from the ashes and made whole, beautiful, once more. Nesta thought that while Velaris was an astonishing fortress, reborn, she was a crumbling building, ruined. She still was.

It was so easy – it had been so easy to shut everyone out, to spit at them and blame them for every miserable thing in her life. It had been so easy, finding the bricks to build a fort around herself and finding many more to throw at the people in her life – at Feyre, at her High Lord, at…her father. And now that he was gone, now that her sisters seemed to have found a path towards the light, towards recovery…it seemed that Nesta was still stuck in the dark. It seemed that whilst they were moving forward, she remained a thousand steps back, trapped in her own gods-forsaken broken bricks.

And she didn’t know how to change that.

She didn’t know how to change. How – where – to begin.

She didn’t know if it was worth it – any of it. And to live an immortal life with all that guilt, all that despair, all that blood in her hands, all that…that power, that wicked, strange power she couldn’t understand nor control…she didn’t know if she could bear it. She didn’t know if she was strong enough to.

The night sky enveloped her and she took in the quietness, the strange peacefulness of this place. Sipped the last drop of her wine. Looked up. Closed her eyes. Her mind showed her the same image every time. Of large wings and dark hair and hazel eyes.

Cassian.

The Illyrian was like a drug. As much as she wanted to get him out of her system, that bastard was always finding his way back in, somehow. She hated the effect he had on her. She hated how complicated things were now that the war was over. Now that he was healed.

She almost wanted to go back to the bickering. If she was being completely honest with herself, a twisted part of her enjoyed it – a lot. And it was easier disliking him, getting under his skin every day. It was so much easier than…caring this much.

And the thing was: she did want love. She craved it with every fibre of her being. But it was so difficult to forget what love had brought down on her, how it had completely, irrevocably destroyed her. Nesta would not rely on the very thing that broke her to put her back together again. Even if she wanted it so much it killed her.

And she wanted it with him.

Nesta hadn’t visited him once while he was healing. Not once. She had wanted to – there had been sleepless nights, her heart worried sick for him, crying for him. Craving to be near him, hold his hand in hers and do something, anything, to make it better. To fix him.

How can you, her mind had whispered to her, cruelly, relentlessly, how can you, a broken thing like yourself, heal him? What good can you do? What good can you bring into his life?

And her mind had won. Every night.

Sometimes there were dreams in which she held him to her, offering the sort of comfort she had never known from her parents. She would stroke his back, his wings, brush back his tangled hair from his face and plaster it with kisses – his forehead, down his nose, his eyelids, his cheeks, his mouth. In some dreams, her hands were delicate and soft, not splashed with blood, and in those dreams she embraced him; her mouth made a path down his temple to his jaw in sweet, short kisses that told him everything he needed to know. She’d whisper to him that she was there for him, that it would be alright. In others, her mouth was elsewhere.

In those, he’d be the one whispering coaxing words into her ear. In those, he held her the way she’d wanted to be held by for so long. In those, she didn’t think of anything else other than his breath on her ear and his mouth leaving soft little playful bites on her sides. In those, it didn’t matter who they were or what they had gone through, what they had witnessed or done. Her mistakes were forgotten and her guilt was dissolved into nothing but sweet blissfulness and pure, unending happiness.

Those were the dreams where her eyes gleamed with excitement, those were the dreams where there was more than a lightness to her a smile. There was truth and contentment and life.

So many words. Nesta had so many words trapped inside of her. And none could describe what she felt for him. What she would do to protect him.

That day, when the King of Hybern had them in the palm of his hand, when Cassian was laying down on the muddy ground, his skin and armour dirty with blood that was not entirely his, Nesta knew – she knew that she would’ve gone down with him gladly. She knew as she covered his body with her own and knew when she kissed him back, in the middle of the chaos, in the middle of all that death and destruction – she knew.

There would not be a day she lived without him.

We will have that time. I promise.

Those words he’d mumbled stuck to her like glue; they were her company during those sleepless nights where the only thing she could feel was the cold and her own loneliness. And she’d go back in time, to teasing, irritating smiles and cocky words, almost smiling to herself in the darkness. His face on her neck, breathing in her scent, his lips on her shoulder, as if marking her for himself.

Come play with me, Nesta, and I’ll teach you far more interesting ways to bring a male to his knees.

Arrogant brute.

And she’d brought him to his knees, indeed. By kneeing him in the groin, but still.

Nesta opened her eyes and it struck her, like a slap in the face, that she had been forming a small smile at the memory. She sighed, shook her head. Looked down at the empty glass in her hand. Hung her head.

Damn him.

Damn him for making her want to be better. Damn him for making her feel so terrible and yet so stupidly delighted despite her own misery.

She felt him before she heard him.

Her heart stumbled in her chest as she turned around.

“Nesta.”

Her name from his lips made her feel like stumbling to her knees. And yet she stood tall, as proud as ever, and faced him fully. As she looked him over, at the now healed wings closing with a little shake behind his back, at the brushed hair, at the impeccable shirt that clung to him like a second skin, unbuttoned at the top, Nesta wondered, in the back of her mind, if this time she would shatter.


	2. Chapter 2

“What are you doing here?” Were the first words out of her mouth.

Nesta wanted to kick herself. She really did.

Weeks had passed since the final battle. Weeks since they’d almost perished from this world. Weeks since they had risked each other’s lives for one cause and for one another. Weeks in which they had barely spoken, barely even looked each other in the eye. Well, since Nesta had looked him in the eye.

And she was treating him with defensiveness. Cold, dismissive defensiveness.

Cassian didn’t move from his position, didn’t make any movement to approach her. He simply looked at her, his head angled slightly to one side, his arms crossed over his broad chest.

“You weren’t there.”

For just a moment, she thought he meant she hadn’t visited him during those days where he was at his weakest state. But his tone wasn’t accusing, no. Nothing about him at that moment was judgmental or hurt or angry. His statement seemed more like a question, a demand for a plausible reason.

“Why would I be?”

“Why wouldn’t you?”

Nesta paused. Made herself turn around, lean her forearms against the railing, and clenched her teeth.

Stop, she thought to herself. Stop turning away from him. Stop running away.

And yet, she found that she couldn’t look at him. Like the coward she was. Nesta just stared at the city, a place she thought she would never get to call home and that now was starting to feel like it, against her better judgement. When she spoke, her voice was quieter than she wished.

“What’s so special about tonight, anyway?”

She heard his footsteps, felt the heat of his body as he leaned against the railing next to her. Nesta delighted herself in his strong presence, in the warmth radiating from his frame. Felt her breath catch in her throat as he looked toward her with that grin of his plastered on his damned face.

“You’ll see,” he simply said, turning to look at the city before him. “Soon.”

“Why aren’t you down there with them?” Nesta asked, forcing her tone to be somewhat talkative.

“Maybe I wanted to see the dumbstruck look on your face when you finally see what Starfall is really all about.”

She didn’t smile.

“You shouldn’t waste your night here. Go enjoy it with your friends.”

Cassian turned to look at her.

“I’ll have a thousand more nights like these that I can spend with them,” he proclaimed, a side-swept smile slipping onto his lips. “But I want your first time to be with me, Nesta Archeron.”

Delicate eyebrows raised on their own as she eyed him.

“Your first Starfall, of course,” he amended, that side-swept grin turning into a full on smirk as he leaned towards her, like he was telling her a juicy secret.

“I want to be alone.”

“Now, come on,” he jested, sitting on the edge of the railing in one smooth movement, facing her. “I can see how happy my company makes you, deep down. Am I wrong?”

“Incredibly so.”

“You thought I looked handsome just now, didn’t you?”

“That’s just you.”

There was a wicked glint in his eyes Nesta had seen only once – before the war, before everything. Once, when-

The tip of his nose grazing her skin. The feel of his soft lips on her jaw, her throat, his tongue-

Come play with me, Nesta.

Damn him. Damn him. Damn him.

“You can do better than that,” he provoked, still grinning, still dangling on the edge of that railing. Nesta considered pushing him off it, even though it wouldn’t have the exact effect she wished, given the wings. “Go on, sweetheart.”

Come play with me, Nesta.

She turned her face away. 

“Call me sweetheart one more time and I’ll personally drag you out of here by the balls.”

She dared one look at him. Just one side-eyed glance.

He was smiling as bright as the freaking sun.

He was smiling like the gods-damned fool he was.

And then he was chuckling: throwing his head back, his enormous hand touching his stomach, eyes closed and towards the starlit sky. Two dimples.

Gods save her.

“There you are,” he said, looking toward her, some pieces of his hair framing and curling around his handsome face. “There’s the Nesta I know.”

“Why are you here?” She asked again, looking away from that smile, those eyes that tormented her every night. “Why are you really here?”

“I told you.”

“Fine,” she almost spat the word. “Stay. Waste your night. I don’t care.”

Silence.

And then:

“I know why you didn’t come,” Cassian said abruptly, as if the words had escaped his mouth before he could stop them. He stepped off the railing, his body turned toward her. “Why you didn’t come to see me.”

Nesta adjusted her feet, their proximity too much to bear. She didn’t say a word.

“I can’t possibly begin to understand how much pain you’re in,” he continued, his voice soothing, his humour gone. “And I won’t pretend to. When you’re ready, whenever that is, just know that if there’s ever a time when you want to talk about…anything, know that I’m here. And I’ll always be here. Even when you don’t want me, even when you try your hardest to push everyone, push me away, I will not leave you, Nesta. I’ll never walk away. I’ll still be here for you.” A pause. He reached toward her, slowly, tentatively. “Nesta.”

Nesta swallowed the lump in her throat, tried to find the words, deep inside of herself, that could begin to explain…to tell him that she knew. She did not doubt him, not one bit. She knew that no matter how much she pushed him away, Cassian would be the one that stood there with her in the rain. And it wasn’t fair to him. She didn’t deserve that.

She didn’t deserve him.

You’re a damaged, broken thing.

“Talk to me,” he whispered, suddenly urgent, suddenly sad. “Please. Tell me anything.”

And she shattered.

Every bone in her body seemed to turn into liquid, and she felt like her legs couldn’t support her body anymore. His arms were around her before she realized she had crashed into his chest with a sob.

And all that anger inside of her turned into something else – an unimaginably painful ache in her chest, like her heart had been stabbed repeatedly, and it was only just then that she felt it. All of it. She felt all of it.

His arms squeezed her tight with the promise of never letting go. His chin rested on top of her head, his hands on her back, moving in slow, soft circles once, twice. The warmth of him, of his touch, was enough to make her forget the shame of looking and feeling that vulnerable. It made her forget that she had a mask at her disposal, to use whenever someone threatened to shatter that fortress of hers. But he had, nonetheless – he had shattered it so hard.

And he was putting her back together again with just one embrace, with one simply phrase:

“I’m here.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for,” he murmured, his cheek connecting with hers. “Nothing, Nesta.”

And he held her for what it felt like hours and hours. There was no time, no end and no beginning, as his hands rubbed up and down her arms with a gentleness she didn’t believe could exist in the world she was born in. There was nothing besides his hands on her cheeks and his thumbs wiping away the evidence of her suffering, of the endless nights she’d spent bottling up her regrets.

“We survived the war,” Cassian said. “We survived the worst. And we did it together. Whatever battles you’re fighting on your own – you don’t have to. Nesta,” he said her name like it was the most beautiful word, like he loved saying it and would never get tired of forming the syllables in his mouth, “let me in. Let me help.”

Nesta pulled back, but not completely. She dared to look up, into those pools of warmth she’d found herself getting lost into several times before. Wiped away her tears with the back of her hand. Took a deep breath.

“I don’t know how to forget.”

“We don’t forget, Nesta,” he sighed, pushing her loose hair back, twisting a lock delicately between his fingers and letting it rest behind her ear. “We never forget. We learn how to move past it. We learn how to live with and despite it.”

“I was worried sick for you,” she blurted out, wiping her nose not so delicately on her sleeve. “I wanted to see you, every day. But I-”

“You don’t have to explain. I understand.” A grin formed on his lips once more as he wiped a forgotten tear sliding down her jaw. “You probably would’ve found it hard to gather your wits once you saw my naked chest, so it was for the best.”

She shook her head, resisting, resisting-

“You want to smile. I make you smile,” he smirked, cocking his head to one side. “Go on, Nesta Archeron. I bet I just gave you the loveliest image for your mind to keep.”

“In 500 hundred years, hasn’t anyone told you how big-headed and absolutely deluded you are?”

He leaned in.

“All the time, sweetheart.” Cassian shrugged. “I just choose not to listen to them.”

Nesta found herself not being able to resist anymore and, indeed, the corners of her lips lifted up all on their own. Cassian observed the movement, eyes intent on her plump lips, and triumph shone in them.

“The most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen,” he marvelled.

“Liar.”

“No, it’s true,” Cassian admired, and his eyes lifted and met hers. She almost melted right there and then. “And I’ve seen a lot of smiles in my lifetime.” He lifted a hand slowly and, as if holding the most precious rarity in the whole wide world, he touched her cheek. Nesta refrained from closing her eyes and leaning towards his touch, focusing instead on the way he looked at her. “But not one quite like yours.”

Her mind kept screaming at her, demanding her to pull away, to push him far from her.

She didn’t listen. 

And it was the most wonderful feeling. Nesta felt like she could float, even with that ache still alive inside of her, even with everything that happened, even if she knew she was broken…

She also knew she was not beyond mending.

It was time, Nesta thought, her hand sliding onto Cassian’s. It was time to heal.

“You wanna know what’s so special about tonight?” Cassian murmured, nudging his forehead gently, playfully, against hers. Her breath caught in her throat. Nesta hesitated, but gave him a little smile in return and nodded. Cassian pulled away slowly, his eyes never leaving hers, and took hold of her hand. Smiled. Dimples. Pointed up at the sky. “Look up.”


	3. Chapter 3

Nesta looked up.

The vastness of that twinkling darkness engulfed them and she found herself lost in that beauty once more. The beauty of the Night Court – the one place she swore she would never get used to, never love. And yet…

Nights had always been her favourite. Nesta remembered, as clearly as if it had been yesterday, when she was a little girl, her mother was still alive and they still had their house. It had been before everything. Before the chaos, before the war, before…she became something else entirely. It seemed like a lifetime ago – a completely different reality.

In her room, Nesta would sit at her windowsill as the rest of her family slept, and she would stare and stare and stare at the sky, marvelling at the stars and their light, memorizing constellations and drawing invisible patters with her fingers as she imagined the figures her young mind created coming to life. It had been her favourite thing to do every night. The stars would keep her company until she fell asleep.

She had seen beautiful skies in the human world – but the one she was witnessing, at that moment, with Cassian by her side…it was absolutely breath taking.

“It’s beautiful,” she started, slightly confused. “But it’s the same sky as any other night here.”

Cassian looked down at her, his body so close they were almost touching, some of the pieces of his tied hair falling on top of hers, and grinned. She could’ve stared at him forever, she realized, and she wouldn’t have gotten tired of it, of that smile, of that calming, shining happiness emanating through him.

“Are you sure?” He said, then pointed upwards again.

Nesta followed his movement and gasped. Nothing could’ve prepared her for the sight that awaited.

As if they had been thrown together through an endless pool of dark, a thousand, then a million lights appeared, flashing and dancing and twirling. They were arrows of light, a white so bright it was blinding, moving across the sky, lighting up the darkness, lighting up the world. Some flew so close, others so far away – and all of them seemed to have a sense of direction, a purpose, a path to follow. They kept coming, beautiful and fast and shining.

Shooting stars.

Cassian had seen this view almost 500 times and yet – it still took him by surprise every time. That endless, un-aging beauty still managed to overtake him; still managed to shatter a little piece of him. The first time he saw them, those lights shooting across the sky, he had been a little boy whose opinion of the world remained pure and cheerful. As that little boy stared wide eyed at the sky in awe, he had thought he’d never see anything that beautiful in his life ever again.

He had been so wrong.

Nesta didn’t notice him staring at her. Didn’t notice her own steps as she advanced towards the railing.

“They’re…they’re shooting stars?” She managed to whisper, placing her hands on the cold marble and looking out. She couldn’t believe how close they were. If she were to lift her arm high enough-

“Some people say so,” Cassian murmured, coming to her side. “Others say they’re spirits.”

“Spirits?”

“Yes,” he said.

“That sounds ridiculous,” she declared.

Cassian dared a smile. “I thought you’d say that.”

“What do you believe they are?” Nesta asked, her eyes not leaving the sky above.

He hesitated. Not because he didn’t know what to answer, but because – her. Because of her. She was so beautiful. So, so beautiful. Her chin lifted, her eyes wide and so blue – the kind of blue he could drown in. And he did, so often. Her lips were parted, the hint of a smile hiding in the corners of her mouth, her cheeks flushed. Cassian caught himself imagining kissing those cheeks, kissing her all over. And taking his time. He’d start at the tip of her nose, downwards toward her cupid’s bow, around her mouth, the corners of her lips; she’d chuckle then, happily, amused at his teasing playfulness; then he’d claim her cheeks, one, then the other, slow, gently, and his thumbs would stroke where his mouth had been. He’d stop, look into those pools of blue, bump their noses together, earning himself another one of those smiles – so rare, so precious to him – and he’d kiss each of her eyelids, corner, centre, feel her eyelashes tickling his bottom lip, then her forehead. He’d let his lips linger for just a moment longer. Stroke her hair. Pull it back over her shoulder. Admire how long and beautiful it was, how it felt like water slipping through his fingers. Then-

She was looking at him. She had been staring at him.

Cassian cleared his throat, clearing away those thoughts from his brain. Nesta – Gods damn him – she’d be the death of him someday. The memory of her lips hadn’t left his system, no – it had consumed him, every single minute of his days while healing. It kept him up at night in sweats. And what she had done…

She had protected him.

He had told her to go, to run, and she hadn’t.

She stayed. For him. Because of him.

This woman who had lost so much in such a short time, who had felt her life being taken from her, had been terrorized, turned against her will into the very creature she had been taught to hate and fear…she had fought and then fought some more for the greater cause. She had fought for peace and for good and-

And for him.

She had fought for him.

This woman in front of him was the strongest person he’d ever encountered. His perfect match in every way. And Cauldron damn him – Mother and Gods damn him forever.

But he was not losing her. Ever again.

“What?” Nesta asked suddenly, cocking an eyebrow at him. Cassian realized, quite stupidly, that he’d been staring at her in silence for Gods know how long.

He blinked and tried to find the words that would convey everything he’d just thought – everything he felt. But he found that he couldn’t. There were no words, in any language, that could even begin to describe-

“Cassian,” Nesta demanded.

His name. In her mouth. Holy Mother of-

There were no words. So instead, he shook his head, gave her a smile, looked up at the sky and said:

“Do you want to see them up close?”

“No.”

Cassian raised an eyebrow. Placed his hands on his hips. Looked at her with wicked amusement in his eyes.

“Scared of a little flight, sweetheart?” His tone was a challenge.

Nesta straightened her spine. I’m scared of what I’ll do once you have me in your arms. “I don’t feel like flying.”

“You don’t feel like flying.”

“No.”

“Come see the stars with me, Ness,” he purred, moving toward her.

Nesta widened her eyes, backing away.

“You-Don’t you dare,” she warned, that nickname ringing in her ears and softening something inside her.

“Will you drag me out of here by the balls?”

“Yes.”

“Come see the stars with me.” He neared her.

“No.” She did not move.

“Please.” His breath was against her face.

“No.”

He picked her up.

Hugged her to him, spun her around in dizzying circles. Without thinking about it, without barely realizing it, Nesta laughed – really laughed – like she hadn’t in years, in delighted surprise at the gentle giant now spinning her around. She laughed and laughed, her stomach hurting, her hands wrapping around his broad shoulders, the warmth of him radiating through her. His hands circled her, tickling her sides, making her squirm in his arms.

And then he stopped. Like he’d frozen.

They looked at each other. Cassian smiled like he owned the world and much more. Didn’t let her go for one second, her feet remaining far from the ground, her body closely pressed against his.

“And that,” he murmured, so close she could feel the warm breath hit her bottom lip, “is the most beautiful sound I have ever heard.”

“Liar.” But she was smiling. Still.

And she didn’t know how to stop. Couldn’t.

So, she looked down at him, memorized the curve of his eyelashes, the contour of his lips. Raised a hand, touched his cheek, let her fingertips marvel at the softness of his skin, at the prickling sensation when her fingers traced his jawline, his chin, the slight stubble there. Cassian leaned against her touch, eyes falling closed. And Nesta didn’t know if this sort of love could begin to fit inside just one person – if her heart was strong enough to withstand such emotion. It felt like it could burst.

He opened his eyes. They stared at each other. And as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear, caressing his cheek on the way, Nesta said:

“Take me to see the damn stars. If you drop me, I’ll kill you.”

His grin was the only answer. Cassian’s wings spread out before him and then they were taking off.

Nesta held on tight to his neck, looking up, not daring to slide her eyes anywhere beneath her feet. The world seemed to slow down to a stop as they ascended, as they neared the twinkling lights and Nesta realized – they weren’t stars, not exactly. She was close enough to extend an arm and touch one, if she pleased. They were flying all around them and somehow Cassian managed to avoid them all, twisting his wings, making them hover in the air instead of soaring. It fascinated her – how much control he had whilst flying, even with her in his arms.

“They’re not stars.”

Cassian smiled. “Not at all.”

Nesta’s eyes roamed the view, her hands holding on tight to him, her lips parted and her breath uneven.

“I told you your first time with me would be worth your while.”

“Jackass.”

He chuckled against her and Nesta delighted herself in that sound, in the feel of him against her. He adjusted her easily in his arms, sliding an arm under her bottom and holding her steady against him. His other hand touched hers. Before she had time to process that he was holding her with one arm mid-freaking-air as easily as if he was holding a toddler, he lifted their entwined hands. Something cold hit her skin and she gasped.

Their hands seemed to be dripping with a glittery liquid, although it didn’t feel wet at all, it felt…like her skin had just gone through a cloud. Cassian pointed her finger with his and, as if poking a bubble of soap, caught another in their hands – and another, and another.

Nesta looked at their entwined hands, so beautiful and blinding and shining. Looked at him. Smiled. And then Cassian poked her nose, leaving a trail of that…whatever that was onto her skin.

She scrunched up her nose, rubbing it clean.

“What the-” She frowned at him. “Really?!”

And proceeded to rub her glittery hand all over his hair, quicker than he could stop her. And grinned in triumph at her results.

“There,” said Nesta, admiring the dark locks that were now shining like a disco ball. “Serves you right.”

Cassian touched a piece of his hair. Snapped his eyes to her. Grinned maliciously.

“What are you-”

And flew them straight into a shooting ball of white – which exploded in the back of Nesta’s head, making her hair drip with what looked like a thousand tiny little specks of stars.

Her lips parted in shock, rubbing the back of her head, looking at her hand. Her cheeks flushed pink, a scowling gaze thrown his way. Then she reached a hand to his wing and, in reflex, he pushed it away from her, grabbing her hand in the same motion.

“Oh no, sweetheart,” he smirked. “You don’t wanna do that. Not if you want us to stay up here.”

Nesta’s eyes burned holes in his forehead as she eyed him. Cassian could read her calculation, her lips thinning into a line as her eyes, challenging, went back and forth between him and his other wing. As if reading her mind, before she could complete her next movement in reaching the tip of his left wing quickly, Cassian smacked his lips onto hers.

And she lost all train of thought.

All emotions crashed into one as his lips made contact with hers. Her extended arm wrapped around his neck, her revenge forgotten, the world forgotten.

In that very moment, Nesta couldn’t give a single damn what she was. What she had done. What they had done to her. In that very moment, the only thing that mattered was him – him and his lips, his tongue tracing her bottom lip, his hands squeezing her body against him, making her feel dizzy, breathless, alive.

She was alive.

It wasn’t like their first kiss – oh no. That kiss had been rushed, it had been meant as a final goodbye. But this one…this one was a hello, I finally found you. And I’m not letting you go.

Her hands were in his hair, his own pressing against her back, sliding up her neck, keeping her head close to him. Slowly, her fingertips made their way onto his cheeks, pulling him away for a fraction of a second so she could get some air into her lungs.

But Cassian wasn’t having any of that.

Instead, his lips focused on her jaw, slid down her throat, on that spot that made her part her lips and let out a noise she’d only ever heard come out of her mouth during lonely nights, when there was no one else in the room but her and thoughts of him, of her whispering his name as he-

“Put me down,” she whispered, eyes closed. “Get us down.”

He did. Slowly, as if he, too, felt weightless, floating amongst the stars. The world was silent around them, as if it had stopped; as if it only belonged to them both. Nesta needed to feel her feet on the ground, or else she felt like she could just soar away. She needed to touch him properly.

Her feet hit the ground and her lips were on his.

Cassian’s wings circled her, as if they had a mind of their own, intend on never letting her go, never letting her succumb to the pain ever again. She felt them against her back, her legs. Felt their warmth, his warmth against her as she ran her hands down his chest, fingers making distracted circles around the buttons, tracing the seams, gripping and pulling and caressing.

He pushed her back gently with his legs until her back felt the cold marble of the railing through her thin dress. His arms were on either side of her, gripping the marble as if it were the only thing keeping his feet on the ground, as her lips moved down, tracing his jawline, stopping just beneath his ear lobe. Cassian stood still as a rock, urgent to touch and kiss and bite her all over – and yet, he stopped himself from doing all those things, made himself close his eyes and take a deep breath as her hands tilted his head down and her kisses turned soft, unhurried, like this wasn’t the first proper kiss they were having, like she had always kissed him this way and knew exactly how. First, her mouth touched the corner of his, her hands, so tiny, caressing his collarbones, then she made her way up, to his cheek bone, the corner of his eye.

None of them remembered they were covered in shining paint, probably looking beyond ridiculous.

She was on her tiptoes.

Her kisses were so sweet.

Cassian wanted to kneel at her feet.

The way Nesta was touching him…he’d never been touched like that. With such tenderness and…love. And indeed, she planned to show him exactly how she felt about him, since words wouldn’t be enough. They would never be enough.

Nesta pulled away slowly, breathless, her hair wild, her eyes wilder. Touched one palm to his chest, to where his heart now hammered inside almost painfully. She felt it, heard it, and let that soothing beat comfort her, let that blazing fire that seemed to live inside of him remind her that they had made it through, they were fine.

It was fire that she felt all over her. Burning her veins, her lips. All of him was made of flame. And he threatened to consume her.

A prince of fire. That’s what he was.

By the time I came of age I was surrounded by low-born brutes and bastards.

That blade she had thrown his way that day – she had regretted it the moment it had left her lips. Had felt ashamed of insulting his upbringing just so she could protect herself. Nesta couldn’t care less what he was, where he came from. None of that mattered. The beat of his heart echoed through her.

He was alive. He was fine. He was alive. He was-

“Nesta.”

One whisper. Slow, loving, tender.

She looked up.

Two eyes. Shining, smiling, warm.

“I love you.”

Three words. All she had ever wanted to hear, all she had ever wanted to say, everything she had been running from. Knots were tied in her throat as she tried to speak, as she scrambled her brain for something, some kind of meaningful response, some-

She didn’t need it.

Because he could feel it – all of it. In the way she looked at him, in the way that she kissed him, touched him. In the way she had screamed as he fell in battle, in the way she had embraced him that day, like she was ready to embrace death itself.

His fingers on her chin, lifting her eyes to him. His eyes honest, his lips spreading into a soft smile.

“Look at me,” Cassian whispered.

She did.

Say it back, she screamed inside of herself. Don’t let him go, don’t-

“You will heal.” Those three words weren’t just a fact but – a promise. It was a promise he was willing to keep. “And I will be here every step of the way. Even when that path seems long and hard, I will be there to lead you because-” And he stopped himself, as if he’d thought of all the words in his mind and suddenly realized they weren’t quite right. He shook his head, looked at her straight in the eyes and said: “I love you when you’re silently reading, curled up on a chair in a corner, as if you’re unaware of the world around you and I love you when you stare at me with that look in your eyes that makes me wonder whether you want to kiss me or punch me. I love you when you’re thinking hard and you get that crease between your eyebrows and you bite the inside of your lip and your eyes get unfocused and I love you when you’re slashing at me with your words.” He smiled then, big and wide, as if amused, as if in love. “I love you when you bicker with me, when you think that you can outwit me-”

“I do outwit you. Every time.”

A laugh, beautiful and loud and hearty. Nesta grinned.

“I love you when you’re wearing armour and I love you without it. I love you when you’re frowning and I love you when you’re smiling. Yes, just like that,” he touched her bottom lip, kissing it, once, twice, a third time. “I love you when your hands stay on me,” he whispered, their noses touching, their breaths mingling. “I love you when I hear your heart thundering in your chest and I love knowing it’s because of me, because of my mouth and my hands.” She shivered. “And I love you, Nesta Archeron, when you’re in the dark and I love you when you’re in the light.” His smile subdued, his face softened, his amusement fading. “I love you whether your skies are black or filled with stars.” She watched him swallow hard, his eyes tender with emotion. “Either way, I love you. Now. In another 500 years. For the rest of my life, as long as it may be, and then after.”

There were no words, Nesta thought. Her eyes filled with tears.

“I don’t deser-”

He didn’t let her finish that sentence. His lips claimed hers, his hands touching her waist, his cheeks wet with her tears.

“I never want to hear that from your mouth,” he murmured, so close their lips were still touching as he spoke. “You deserve the whole wide world and more, Nesta Archeron. And I’ll be damned if I don’t give it all to you.”

She shook her head, her smile as bright as the skies above. “You’re mine.”

His body shook all over. “Yours.”

“I love you.”

His heart shattered.

Nesta let out a sound that was a mixture of a happy laugh and a sob. Twisted her hands in his shirt, pulled him closer to her, let him and his fire consume her. Her Prince of fire. Hers. “I love you, Cassian.” Kissed him once, twice, a third time. The words still tasted foreign in her mouth, strange and yet – familiar. Strangely familiar. When she repeated it, in just a whisper, just for him and the stars to hear, it was in almost in wonder, in marvel. Tasted it on her tongue. Decided that she liked the sound of it. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”

And she kissed him through his own tears.

Nobody had ever stayed long enough for Nesta to mutter those words.

She had felt it towards her sisters, she did. And yet, she found that she couldn’t risk it, saying it to them. In the back of her mind, there would always be that fear of them leaving her – leaving her to her sadness. Emptying what had felt like an already empty soul.

But not Cassian. She knew it – in her bones, in her heart, in her instincts. She had found something that couldn’t – wouldn’t – part with her. Something that pushed past her defences. Something she would forever protect, cherish and – yes, even love. Freely. Passionately. Without remorse, without guilt.

Hello, I’ve finally found you. And I’m not letting go.

It would be a long, hard path towards healing – she knew that. But she was strong enough to withstand the storm. Because inside her, she had the strength of a thousand armies. And because now she had someone to fight alongside her. Someone that would love her until the end of time, who wouldn’t turn away when her skies were black.

Someone to stay.


End file.
